Broncho Billy And The Greaser

Broncho Billy weighs into the debate on multiculturalism. Definitely not starring Jerry Mathers as "The Greaser".

The Story

Though the ideas presented may be profound, the story here is simple. Mailman Broncho Billy gets kicked in the testosterone when The Big-Butt Bimbo reveals her assets to him. She then heads into the post-office and jumps to the front of the queue, even though she was the last to enter.

Billy Broncho welcomes The Greaser — When The Greaser, New Guy in town, enters and sees this he naturally assumes that last-in-first-out is the norm and takes his place at the front of the queue. Broncho Billy then seizes this chance to score with The Bimbo by falsely accusing The Greaser of queue-jumping, and then jams his roscoe in The Greaser's guts, which sends The Bimbo into a barely-contained delirious vicarious pleasure. The Greaser, New Guy in town, thus unaccustomed to mailmen that shoot post office queue-jumpers, then decides he needs to go off and better acquaint himself with local customs.

Billy brings home the bacon — Right about then is when The Old Geezer shows up, wondering what to do, cuz his name and role doesn't appear on the film credits. Meanwhile, The Bimbo's left Broncho Billy with the blue balls, so when he spots The Old Geezer he decides Pops would be a better cure than his horse, and right away brings home the bacon - cuz a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

Unfortunately, Broncho Billy's load was too much for The Old Geezer, leaving Broncho Billy still unsatisfied. So just as The Greaser's nightly voyeur prowl reached Broncho Billy's hut he spied Broncho Billy bunked down full of unsated and unbounded Big-Butt Bimbo desires. At the same time, The Greaser recalled the feel of Broncho's roscoe jammed in his gut, and just right then and there The Greaser decides he had to make Broncho his bride.

Leisure with the Greaser — But just when he starts to rope in Broncho Billy's desires with a little bondage and discipline, The Old Geezer peeped The Greaser's new-fangled ideas and suddenly feels a spark that Broncho Billy's old ways couldn't ignite, sending him hot-tailing it over for a little lusty Latin leisure for The Old Geezer and The Greaser.

So just as The Bimbo's nightly voyeur prowl reached Broncho Billy's hut, she spied this kinky cowboy threesome and, in a fit of jealous rage, brings the town over to put a stop to it. Since The Greaser was New Guy in town, they figured all this freaky perv stuff was his doing and it was time to send him on his way, and wrap up their experiment in multiculturalism. The Old Geezer reminded them not to let the bondage rope go to waste. They all agreed that was environmentally sound logic, and used the rope to better acquaint The Greaser with a particular tree used in one of their favorite local customs.

The Issues

Now with the story out of the way, we can move on to the weightier question: which strain of The Greaser we got here - Eastern Greaser (Italian/Puerto Rican/Cuban)or Western Greaser (Mexican)? Although one might assume Western, since it's a Bronco Billy flick, the credits don't identify actor Lee Willard as The Greaser, but as The Half-breed - with no indication what the halves are.

No other option but to consult a dictionary: half-breed
noun [offensive]: a person whose parents are of different races, esp. the offspring of an American Indian and a person of white European ancestry Which means we got a Mexican I guess (although a more precise name might be the one Tonto is called in Lenny Bruce's Masked Man: "spic half-breed"). That also would explain why at 9:10, beneath the sign "No Drinks For Injuns", The Half-Breed is only allowed a Half-Drink - get it? Ha, ha, ha.

So what we actually got here is "Bronco Billy And The Spic Half-Breed". Whew...never expected that understanding a Bronco Billy flick would require a degree in Early Twentieth Century Ethnic Slurs.

But the issue could have been immediately resolved by consulting the dictionary to find the proper definition of Greaser: greaser
noun [informal, offensive] a Hispanic American, esp. a Mexican

So where did I get the incorrect notion that a Greaser could be Italian? Of course, from the movies: the title scene in Goodfellas.

But I was remembering incorrectly - the actual quote was: "It was among the Italians - it was real GREASEBALL shit":

And the dictionary definition of Greaseball confirms this to be the correct slur to use: greaseball
noun [informal, offensive] a foreigner, esp. one of Mediterranean or Latin American origin

Trivia:: If Goodfellas were made in 1914, it would have been called Henry And The Greaseballs.

So although there are two varieties of Greaseball (Mediterranean or Hispanic origin), there is only one kind of Greaser (Hispanic American). Got that? Quiz on Friday.

(Extra credit: how many Crackers does it take to lynch a Spic Half-Breed Greaser for queue-jumping? Don't forget to factor out the Nigger servants!)

Enhance your viewing experience: know your ethnic slurs!