Though the ideas presented may be profound, the story here is simple. Mailman Broncho Billy gets kicked in the testosterone when
The Big-Butt Bimbo reveals her assets to him. She then heads into the post-office and jumps to the front of the queue, even though she
was the last to enter.
When The Greaser, New Guy in town, enters and sees this he naturally assumes that last-in-first-out is the norm and takes his place
at the front of the queue. Broncho Billy then seizes this chance to score with The Bimbo by falsely accusing The Greaser of
queue-jumping, and then jams his roscoe in The Greaser's guts, which sends The Bimbo into a barely-contained delirious vicarious
pleasure. The Greaser, New Guy in town, thus unaccustomed to mailmen that shoot post office queue-jumpers, then decides he needs to
go off and better acquaint himself with local customs.
Right about then is when The Old Geezer shows up, wondering what to do, cuz his name and role doesn't appear on the film credits.
Meanwhile, The Bimbo's left Broncho Billy with the blue balls, so when he spots The Old Geezer he decides Pops would be a better cure
than his horse, and right away brings home the bacon - cuz a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.
Unfortunately, Broncho Billy's load was too much for The Old Geezer, leaving Broncho Billy still unsatisfied. So just as
The Greaser's nightly voyeur prowl reached Broncho Billy's hut he spied Broncho Billy bunked down full of unsated and unbounded
Big-Butt Bimbo desires. At the same time, The Greaser recalled the feel of Broncho's roscoe
jammed in his gut, and just right then and there The Greaser decides he had to make Broncho his bride.
But just when he starts to rope in Broncho Billy's desires with a little bondage and discipline,
The Old Geezer peeped The Greaser's new-fangled ideas and suddenly feels a spark that Broncho Billy's old ways couldn't ignite,
sending him hot-tailing it over for a little lusty Latin leisure for The Old Geezer and The Greaser.
So just as The Bimbo's nightly voyeur prowl reached Broncho Billy's hut, she spied this kinky cowboy threesome and, in a fit of jealous rage,
brings the town over to put a stop to it. Since The Greaser was New Guy in town, they figured all this freaky perv stuff was his doing and it
was time to send him on his way, and wrap up their experiment in multiculturalism. The Old Geezer reminded them not to let the bondage rope
go to waste. They all agreed that was environmentally sound logic, and used the rope to better acquaint The Greaser with a particular tree
used in one of their favorite local customs.
Now with the story out of the way, we can move on to the weightier question: which strain of The Greaser we got here - Eastern Greaser
(Italian/Puerto Rican/Cuban)or Western Greaser (Mexican)? Although one might assume Western, since it's a Bronco Billy flick, the credits
don't identify actor Lee Willard as The Greaser, but as The Half-breed - with no indication what the halves are.
No other option but to consult a dictionary:
Which means we got a Mexican I guess (although a more precise name might be the one Tonto is called in Lenny Bruce's Masked Man:
"spic half-breed"). That also would explain why at 9:10, beneath the sign "No Drinks For Injuns", The Half-Breed is only allowed a Half-Drink -
get it? Ha, ha, ha.
noun [offensive]: a person whose parents are of different races, esp. the offspring of an American Indian and a person of white
So what we actually got here is "Bronco Billy And The Spic Half-Breed". Whew...never expected that understanding a Bronco Billy flick would
require a degree in Early Twentieth Century Ethnic Slurs.
But the issue could have been immediately resolved by consulting the dictionary to find the proper definition of Greaser:
noun [informal, offensive] a Hispanic American, esp. a Mexican
So where did I get the incorrect notion that a Greaser could be Italian? Of course, from the movies: the title scene in Goodfellas.
But I was remembering incorrectly - the actual quote was: "It was among the Italians - it was real GREASEBALL shit":
And the dictionary definition of Greaseball confirms this to be the correct slur to use:
noun [informal, offensive] a foreigner, esp. one of Mediterranean or Latin American origin
- If Goodfellas were made in 1914, it would have been called Henry And The Greaseballs.
So although there are two varieties of Greaseball (Mediterranean or Hispanic origin), there is only one kind of Greaser (Hispanic American).
Got that? Quiz on Friday.
(Extra credit: how many Crackers does it take to lynch a Spic Half-Breed Greaser for queue-jumping? Don't forget to factor out the
Know your ethnic slurs, and you'll enjoy flicks even more.